In the month of October 2017, we read HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN by PETER ENAHORO in my book club – KAWEBOOKCLUB . We loved the humour and we decided to expand the stories by starting our own HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN SERIES – THE KAWE VERSION.
I wrote this one.
THE THIRD (LONG) LEG by Chimdinma Adriel Onwukwe
When God moulded man and gave him the breath of life, his plan was for everyone to have TWO LEGS. But on the seventh day while God rested, the Nigerians made for themselves THIRD LEGS!
This THIRD LONG LEG is highly INVSIBLE. Can’t be seen but it moves and aligns everything.
Having a Third Leg simply means to have connections in high places; to be close to the power house and this third long leg moves ONLY when there is a NEED!
*A typical Conversation*
Mr. A: So how Njideka take get PPA for that Hospital?
Mrs. B: That girl get leg o. Her papa leg long pass sef.
Mr. A: Because I come dey fear. I just know say no be luck.
Mrs. B: Na so we see am o
This third leg makes you realize that in Nigeria, opportunities for competition are circumscribed by unfavourable social and economic development and for many people; resort to unofficial channels is almost inevitable.
It is also important to note that another name for this THIRD LONG LEG is “GOD’S GRACE” and “THANK GOD O”
The Third Long Leg reveals its invisible cloak during National Youth Service Corps; postings of young people begin to change by “GOD’S GRACE” so that those who were intially posted to Adamawa end up in Lagos by “GOD’S MIRACULOUS HAND”.
During my Law school posting, I saw the manifestations of various third long legs. 60% Percent of my classmates who were to go Kano and Yola ended up in Abuja and Lagos. I asked them how they managed to do it and they all replied saying; “IT WAS GOD’S GRACE. I REALLY PRAYED ABOUT IT”
We all know they never pray and they never prayed. It was the invisible third leg working.
You can’t truly call yourself a TRUE NIGERIAN if you are lacking in the THIRD LONG DEPARTMENT because truth be told, IT IS A NECESSITY!
Visit the KAWE BOOK CLUB BLOG to read more HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN STORIES. If you are interested in sending your story on HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN, Please, drop a comment.
One night in July, I was coming back from work. It was raining. I stopped at the Ajah junction looking for a Keke that would take me down to my estate. No keke stopped for me. It was unsual, but I figured it was the rain that made them Ignore passengers. After about twenty minutes of waiting under the rain, I finally found a keke. It was just one space left in front. I hesitated because this one actually stopped for me! But I had been waiting forever, so I had no choice but to…
A lot of us are obviously making new year goals and all that – It is an amazing thing. The end of something calls for refelections and the beginning of another calls for goals and lists.
As book nerds and bibliophiles, we constantly have books piled up which we ought to read but have not yet found the time. It is really difficult to read books, especially literary works, if you work a 9-5. And if you live in a city like Lagos, it is almost impossible!
We know you want to read those books in 2018. So we have come up with tricks and ways to make you read more books…faster and better.
1) AUDIO BOOKS!!!
These are recordings of texts. They save time – You can listen to audio books while washing, cleaning the house, driving etc. Audio books are also very…
I am sure a lot of us have devoured meals in their numbers!
Christmas is such an amazing season. The JOY that comes with celebrating the Birth of Christ is second to none and highly contagious – beautiful Christmas songs, new clothes, gifts, love, laughter, FOOD!!! etc.
Something happened in Church yesterday. I spent the Christmas eve at Owerri West LGA, Okolochi – my Aunty’s village. Continue reading “MERRY CHRISTMAS 2017”→
Christmas has changed over here. No one bothers about christmas clothes anymore, no one bothers about christmas hair. No one travels to the village anymore – You know, the typical Nigerian Igbo Family Christmas. Maybe it is because we are all grown up and have “better” things to worry about.
I for one, have one “better thing” to worry about. I have been trying to read and study so hard. The only I think about now is my BAR FINALS – which is in AUGUST!
But all these do not change the MEANING of CHRISTMAS. Christmas is all about Jesus Christ and a reminder that he came into this world for YOU. For me.
While studying this morning – I usually read with music – cool, calm, soothing music, especially in the wee hours of the morning – I listened to a new single from the HILLSONG – PEACE PROJECT CHRISTMAS ALBUM.
My favourite from the album is SEASONS. Powerful lyrics that spoke to me. And once again, I am reminded that God has not forgotten us. We all have our seasons and when it comes???
I will put down the lyrics and I hope you get INSPIRED and meditate on the words – for days when the things you prayed for are taking forever to become realities.
Words and Music by Chris Davenport, Benjamin Hastings & Ben Tan
Have you ever seen a Giant Sequoia?
I was a 12 year old boy in this awkward phase of discovering fashion, so naturally I was wearing this delightful salmon shirt that was as about as far from fashion as we were from Ireland.
Ireland is where I’m from by the way, but on this particular year the Hastings family had decided to vacation along the west Coast of California, and after a long winded winding drive, we found ourselves pulling into the glorious Eden of Yosemite National Park.
Have you ever been? You should. It’s your favourite Microsoft screensaver, but in real life.
We parked, threw our bags in this quaint, quirky inn and rushed out the door to explore a paradise of colour. The deepest greens you have ever seen, water falling in the bluest of blues and dirt trails of adventure and sepia tones that we ran until we ran out of breath. As my brother and I stopped to catch some air, giving our parents a chance to catch us, I remember slowly lifting my head and for the first time stretching my eyes across the grandeur of a Giant Sequoia. It was the biggest thing I had ever seen. Effortlessly scraping the sky, but as wide as the highway that had brought us here, and with my eyes in even wider wonder I stood; my neck stretched back as far as it would go, engulfed in shadow and ancient magnificence.
I wonder if you’ve ever had a similar moment. Perhaps gazing up at a monument of nature or the biggest man-made landmark in your hometown.
For me, when I look at something of such enormity, I can’t help but feel like it’s been there forever.
In Sydney we have The Harbour Bridge. A masterpiece of design and engineering which I have the joy of sitting upon, in traffic everyday (I guess if you’re gonna sit in traffic there are worse views). But I can’t get my mind around the idea that there was a time when it didn’t exist. It’s hard to imagine the Sydney Harbour without it and yet my wife’s Great Grandma Phyllis (105 and as cheeky as ever!) was already a teenager when it was first opened.
Ithink in the same way, I’ve sometimes viewed God’s promises like that. Maybe it’s just me, but have you ever looked at the fulfilment of His faithfulness in someone else’s life and wondered…
“Where’s my Harbour Bridge?”
“Where’s that wife I heard you whisper?”
“Where’s the materialisation of that thing I know you put in my heart?”
If there is anything I know to be true of God it’s that He’s true to His word. But He’s also very okay with the process. Was the Harbour Bridge airlifted into place? Well no… of course not… Even the three thousand year old Sequoia, was once a seed.
I think Jesus is the perfect example of this. In the Song ‘Seasons’ from ‘The Peace Project‘ there is a line that sings…
“You could have saved us in a second, instead you sent a Child”.
We serve a God of the “Long Game”. Does He have the capacity to airlift the Harbour Bridge of our promise into place? Of course He does! And sometimes, He does. But if we can attribute trends to God (which we probably can’t) I’ve noticed that God often chooses something else: “The Jesus Model”.
From Bethlehem’s soil
Grew Calvary’s Sequoia
He takes His Word and He plants it like a seed in our lives. Watching and watering until it grows and ever so slowly but inevitably blooms into glorious fulfilment. And I think if we look for it, this divine methodology is written into everything from the narrative of the Bible to the beauty of creation.
Oh how nature acquaints us
With the nature of Patience.
Visit the link below to enjoy the beauty that is this music:
It is so good to be on here after what seems like eons.
Law school is not easy. Like, I am constantly in this circle of studying and attending classes and preparing for presentations.
New wigs were called to the Nigerian Bar two days ago and seeing the pictures of my senior colleagues in their wigs and gowns gave me JOY and HOPE. I kept telling myself:
Next year, you will be called to the Nigerian Bar – you will be called EXCELLENTLY.
I apologize for the absence. I miss talking about life and books and African Literature. But knowing that it is all for a GREATER CAUSE warms my heart.
Now. The Holidays are here!!! Who is excited?
I have decided to take TWO DAYS out of my very busy holiday – that would begin on the 15th – to read this amazing book by OLUNOSEN LOUISA IBHAZE – AUTHENTIC MAMA!!! I will be reading this book alongside members of my BOOK CLUB –KAWE BOOK CLUB – You should totally join us!
Guess who is in Law School? Yours Truly. I am scared as hell.
I never applied for Bayelsa, Yenagoa campus. My roomate never applied for Bayelsa but got it too. I met a guy who filled : Abuja, Kano and Yola but who still got Bayelsa. So I was not alone in this sudden change of plans. I cried for a week and it did not help that my friends were not posted to Bayelsa.
Since my 400 level days as a Law undergraduate at the University of Ibadan, I have dreamt of being in Lagos Campus for two reasons;
a) I wanted the Lagos drill. I wanted the extreme stress of Lagos campus as I felt the stress was going to make me do better in school.
b) I wanted to be able to attend AKE FESTIVAL. I wanted to be close to all the literary activities in Lagos. I wanted to be close to KAWE BOOKCLUB.
But Life happens. And here I am, in Bayelsa, surrounded by large mosquitoes. Mosquitoes like bats.
In Bayelsa, you will learn that some things are compulsory necessities:
1) Mosiquto net
2) Long and thick trousers
These mosquitoes are not here to play. They are like bats. I found a dead mosquito in my indomie last night.
I have tried to compensate myself with the fact that I spent my gap year in Lagos interning at one of the best accounting and tax firms in the world and I have also tried to compensate myself with the hostel accomodation in Bayelsa campus. It is perfect albeit being five in a room. But there is still room for everyone to mind his or her business, the ensuite bathrooms and toilets and the tiled floors.
I am not quite impressed with the learning hall. It is quite small for the number of students, the seats are few and half of them are bad. They are actually not fit for purpose. At all. I made a comment about it and a lecturer replied saying:
Your senior colleagues spoilt it. You guys will have to pay the prize.
Sadly, law school is not a place to wear your cape of heorism and your Ned Stark cloak.
I talked to a senior friend about my fears and she told me:
Enjoy the process. Let your life and heart be richer for the experience.
Remember to laugh. Study hard but eat and sleep too. Follow the rules but dont be bullied, by the system or by its people.
Guard your mental health.
I cut her short telling her about my fears…the annoying grading system…and how I thought my brain was not that hot…
You don’t need be a hot brain, babe. You need to study consistently and take care of your health and know whats important in the big fat curriculum and most importantly, let God guide you.
Pray for me guys!!!
I have met some interesting people – people from Universities like Usman Dan Fodio and the University of Maiduguri. The blogger in me could not help but ask of their stories.
I have decided to create a category on my blog : STUDENTS OF NLS YENAGOA!!!
In this category, I would ask them questions about their lives, universities and one very important question : WHY LAW?!?
This question is important to me because I am quite indifferent to Law right now…and so I am hoping that maybe, just maybe…asking these questions and seeing law through the eyes of these people would stir something in me.
Because of the busy nature of law school, the interviews may not be published as often as I would want them to. But be rest assured, you would definitely read their stories.