Violence undermines the basic universal human right of any person – to be treated with dignity.


So a friend sent me this. It was innocently supposed to pass as a joke. But I didn’t find it funny. Probably because I wasn’t in the mood already but I just didn’t get the joke. Apparently, what exactly made friend laugh was :

I said “Sex without consent is rape”

“Is there any justification for armed robbery too?”

“There’s no comparison”


I wasn’t even in the mood to go further but then, friend said this :

“In fact rape is even better… Some of those women enjoy it. After they’ll be ranting. But then… armed robbery is pure parasitism”

“Jesus, I can’t even believe you said this. No. Woman. Enjoys. Rape.”

I went on to say “BDSM is one thing, but not RAPE”

N/B : BDSM is a variety of erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage,dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other interpersonal dynamics. 

(An Aside : “Dear readers do you know anyone that enjoys rape?”. I know about the S&M guys who give their CONSENT to feel this pleasure engulfed with pain. But I do not know about RAPE)

“I’m so mad at you”

“Remember that was meant to be a joke… but you took it personal.”

“That’s because rational people won’t make such jokes for crying out loud. All those sort of jokes are the very root from which rape violence and other devices are stemmed.”

“Then looking at what you said, 99% of jokes are irrational then cos someone’s ox must be gored in every joke”

“Some oxes are different from others. No one should joke about rape or violence or even disabled people. SOME OXES ARE NOT TO BE GORED”

“…Come to think of it…how can you be arguing rape or no rape for husband and wife…?”

Friend seemed very ignorant of this and so I told him a story. A real one. I remember when I was told this story, I had goosebumps and I was angry and grieving literally. And so I said :

“Did I tell you about my friend’s aunty whose husband raped her? Hard crazy violence on top of her. On a chair. He just came back from work and threw her to the chair. He was literally hitting her cervix. She was in pain. She was pregnant – Seven Months. She couldn’t scream. What would the neighbors say? Such. Shame. She was powerless and so she just laid back and waited for him to finish – to finish stripping her of her dignity as a MARRIED WOMAN, to finish stripping her off all form of love and replacing hate, to finish stripping her of whatever pride she had left. And what was worse? HUSBAND DID THIS. Who does that to the woman he loves? . I’m not going to talk about the medical implications that followed after that horrible scene. It took her a very long time to even let him touch her hand. You know his excuse? He was seduced at the office. TRASH!!! BULLSHIT!!! So tell me what’s this? Was there consent?”

Spousal rape: Also known as spouse rape, marital rape, wife rape, husband rape, partner rape or intimate partner sexual assault (IPSA), is rape between a married or de facto couple. The African culture does not regard a forceful sexual intercourse between a woman and her husband as an act of rape (Kolawole, 1999). Ama Ata Aidoo (what is her position in this novel?) also pointed this out in her novel Changes: A Love Story, when Esi, the lead character in the novel was raped by her husband: “But marital rape? No, the society could not possibly have an indigenous word or phrase for it. Sex is something a husband claims from his wife as his right any time” (Ata Aidoo, 2000).
Spousal rape is non-consensual sexual assault in which the
perpetrator is the victim’s spouse. It is often assumed that spousal rape is less traumatic than that from a stranger. Research reveals that victims of marital/partner rape suffer longer lasting trauma than victims of stranger rape, possibly because of a lack of social validation that prevents a victim
from getting access to support. Different countries have different rape laws. In many countries such as Nigeria, Ghana, South Africa, Malawi to mention a few, it is not possible to commit the crime of rape against one’s own wife or

Now the law as we have seen is there to protect, but does it? What happens to the woman who leaves and lives with the emotional scar and fear of being raped by her husband. Again? She can’t tell anyone. She can’t.

It will be appropriate to include spousal rape as a criminal offence, this will be in a positive light as other advanced countries specifically Eastern Europe and Scandinavian countries (before 1970), Western Europe (1980’s-1990’s), some developing countries (1990’s – 2000’s) have all criminalized spousal rape.

Moments like these are when I become extra grateful that I’m studying to become a lawyer. I have a year left. CHAPTER 30, SECTION 357 of the CRIMINAL CODE CAP “C38”, LAWS OF THE FEDERATION, 2004 deals with ASSAULTS ON FEMALES AND RAPE. The section goes further to define rape as :

Any person who has unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her CONSENT, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or, in the case of a married woman, by personating her husband, is guilty of an offence which is called rape.

( Stanko (1985) described the nature of rape while reacting to Molly Haskell’s rape in the movie, Update on an Ancient War. As a victim of rape, she made it known that rape is not in any normal sense an intercourse. This is because, in most cases, lubrication of the vagina required for normal
completed intercourse does not exist, since petting has more often than not, not occurred. As a result of this the muscles at the entrance of the Vagina are not relaxed. Therefore penetration in any form cannot either easily or immediately occur. She further described what happens during a rape attack
thus: the rapist repeatedly batters with his penis in the very delicate and sensitive features lying outside the vagina, causing the tissues to tear and bleed. When the force of the thrusting eventually results in the penis entering the vagina, it enters no more than a few inches, and again the tissues (this time, the lining of the vagina) are repeatedly, with each thrust, ripped and torn. According to her, forcible rape is traumatically painful, it is
the most physically painful ordeal that an individual can undergo and still live afterward.)

Section 358 : Any person who commits the offence of rape is liable to imprisonment for LIVE, with or without caning 

Section 359 : A person who attempts to commit the offence of rape is guilty of a felony, and is liable to imprisonment for fourteen years, with or without caning.

Section 360 : Any person who unlawfully and Indecently assaults a woman or girl is guilty of misdemeanor, and is liable to imprisonment for two years.

Section 361-363 : goes ahead to talk about abduction, abduction of girls under sixteen and that IGNORANCE OF AGE OF GIRLS, OR CONSENT, NO DEFENCE – It is immaterial that the offender believed the girl to be of or above the age of sixteen years and it is immaterial that the girl was taken with her own consent or at her own suggestion.

Rape is so despicable such that it warranted a notable pronouncement in the recently decided case of Edwin Ezigbo v. The State (2012) 16 NWLR Pt 1326 where My Lord Justice Muhammed J.S.C had this to say;

the facts revealed in this appeal are sordid and can lead to a conclusion that a man can turn into a barbaric animal. When the “criminal” was alleged to have committed the offence of rape, he was 32years. His two young victims: Ogechi Kelechi, 8 years old and Chioma, 6 years, were, by all standard underage. What did the appellant want to get out of these underage girls. Perhaps, the appellant forgot that by nature, children, generally, are like animals. They follow anyone who offers them food. That was why the appellant, tactfully, induced the young girls with ice cream and zobo drinks in order to translate his hidden criminal intention to reality, damning the consequences. Honestly, for an adult man like the appellant to have carnal knowledge of underage girls such as the appellant’s victims is very callous and animalistic. It is against the laws of all human beings and it is against God and the State.

Such small girls and indeed all females of whatever age need to be protected against callous acts of criminally likeminded people of the appellant’s class. I wish the punishment was heavy so as to serve as deterrent

Last year October, Four large men broke into my room. I will never forget the fear and terror that overwhelmed me. Days after. Weeks after. All I could think about was Rape. Not my laptop that I miss so much now. Not my phone that they dragged from me. Rape. Rape. Rape.

As girls, we live with the constant fear and terror. When walking alone. When standing at the park with “loud” boys. When living life.

You see, Olivia said something in an episode of Scandal.

“How come whenever a woman does something that people don’t like, the only way these men on the Internet (and in reality, if I must add) know how to express themselves is threatening RAPE?”

I had chills when I heard her say this. Because, it is true.

An acquittance of mine came into my room today looking very sad. She said, some guys in her class said if she doesn’t mind the way she dresses THEY WILL GIVE HER THAT THING SHE IS LOOKING FOR
Who told you she is looking for that thing?!
It’s so sad. They think they wield all the strength. No matter what crime a woman has committed, she should not be subjected to rape. No woman has to go through that. Do you think it’s cool to walk at nights scared of being raped?? That thought alone scares the hell out me. We are always careful. Looking over our shoulders. Even the nicest gesture is received with serious consideration. It’s an inborn fear.

I complained to my mum once about this boy outside our gate who was rude to me. She said “Be careful, you know boys, they might start planning something evil – rape or something”…

JESUS! who are these animals?! Who think with their pencils? Dangling between their legs?
Because all we ever hear is how women are controlled by their hormones but what is more hormonal than a man who can’t keep it in his damn pants!!!

You walk, and hear them say :

“Babe, you go sweet o”

“You get big nyash”

How they always want to touch and grope you at the slightest chance they get…

It is because they do not live with this fear.
If they experience the panic, pain, fear, hurt and depression that comes with RAPE…

…Maybe this world would be a better place…if they live with this fear.

It is not a joking matter. There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

And yes, husbands rape their wives.

Let’s stop this.


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Love xoxo