What do you do when you feel lost? Do you just stand at the spot where you have found yourself? Do you go back from where you came? or do you just move forward?
I am this point in my life where I feel completely lost. I do not know if it is as a result of my moving to Lagos- a city that is terrifying, tiring and terrible at the same time. I also do not know if it is as a result of not loving something I thought I always needed.
I got this internship at a nice tax and audit firm (I WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS). I wanted to broaden my taxation horizon but I feel so out of place. Nothing seems to be making sense. The other day, I sat through a 2-hours training on financial accounting and deferred tax payments etc and it felt as though someone was peeling layers of my skin away with a knife. I knew I was in the wrong place and I know I will be for the next seven months.
So how do you forgive yourself for not loving the one thing you always needed. How do you forgive yourself for staying, despite the numbness…?
I have not been able to blog much because I wake up by 4am and get home by 9pm most times. I have not been able to blog much because my phone was STOLEN. Blogging with my phone is kind of easier…
So Yes, MY PHONE WAS STOLEN!!!
This is what happened; FEBRUARY 1ST, 2017. TIME; 6:50 am
I’m at Mr. Biggs just close to the UBA building where my office is located and next thing I know, three hefty men are chasing me. One especially. A big man. With eyes that look as though he wants to kill me.
I AM TERRIFIED. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I RUN. I AM CRYING AND RUNNING. THEY WANT MY BAG BUT I WILL NOT GIVE IT TO THEM. NOT WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE.
MY SHOE IS IN A NYLON THAT I AM HOLDING. WITH MY PHONE. THEY DRAG THE NYLON. THEY DRAG MY BLOUSE. I ROLL TO THE GROUND. TO THE ROAD….I AM SCREAMING…NOBODY COMES TO MY RESCUE. NOBODY SCREAMS FOR ME.
HEARTLESS SOULS.
OVER 100 CARS IN A SLOW MOVING TRAFFIC AND NOT ONE FREAKING PERSON COMES TO MY RESCUE!!!!!!
I RUN UNTIL I FIND MYSELF AT A BANK. I BEGIN TO CRY, LOUD SOBS. THE GUARDS COME TO MY AID. SOME CONDUCTORS FROM THE OTHER SIDE ARE ASKING IF THEY MADE AWAY WITH ANYTHING. ONE SAYS HE SAW ME WITH MY BAG AND ASSUMED THEY TOOK NOTHING, IF NOT HE WOULD HAVE CHASED THOSE GUYS AND GOTTEN MY PHONE. THEY ALL HELP ME FIND MY SHOE. SOME WHERE IN A CAR PARK…
I am at loss. My Phone is Gone. My Grief has no name.
***************************
Part of the post I put up on Facebook…I usually put up my experiences there, it is kinda faster…lol
***************************
So yeah; Lagos is terrifying…and this is just one out of the PLENTY horrible things my eyes have seen in this Lagos.
But like Iijebu Garri; Imma Rise Above It All….
I have been trying to pour my anger into the things I am most passionate about, one of which is LITERATURE. I hope everything turns out FINE. Get ready guys!!!!!!
I hope I find myself soon…
I cannot be lost forever…
Quick question; what do you do when you feel lost?
Love and Light
Adriel…
February 22, 2017 at 8:10 am
What do you do when you are lost?
Interestingly I ve been in some gatherings where the issue was raised and answered.
One thing I picked – the only way to find one’s self is to trace your way back to the beginning or the next ‘cardinal post’ from whence you can redefine your movement.
Interesting post. 💯 some hashtags for you.. . #LasgidiChronicles #MyLagosDiaries
February 22, 2017 at 8:27 am
Thank you Blaze. Great point.
February 22, 2017 at 2:00 pm
i feel that way atimes but i always have if at the back of my head at all times; where am going to is far better than where am coming from.
March 1, 2017 at 9:56 am
That is the hope, that the things ahead are far greater, far better…than we can ever imagine.
February 22, 2017 at 8:48 pm
What do you do? Draw from God’s love. This was my cure. I’m so convinced it hasn’t lost its potency. There’s so much strength and hope and life in that love…I should know.
I pray that the protective custody of God’s peace shrouds your heart.
Peace and Light, dear
March 1, 2017 at 9:55 am
Amen and Amen. Thanks for your kind words Lizzie… God’s Love is Amazing, that is enough. 🙂
February 22, 2017 at 11:16 pm
Sorry about your terrible experience in Lagos, that you lost your phone.
Its sad that you have to stay at a job you seem to be lost at or to have lost interest in. I remember you being pumped up about the internship you did at the tax firm last year. Maybe your interest will be renewed.
When I’m lost, I do nothing. I just wait while searching my spirit. I most times believe that things will sort themselves out with time. They always do.
You will be fine.
March 1, 2017 at 9:54 am
Awwww… Thank you Zaram.
February 24, 2017 at 1:01 am
So sorry about your horrible experience. I hope the next seven months go by quickly or that somehow thins switch up and you find joy in that place. xx
March 1, 2017 at 9:53 am
I hope they go by quickly too. Thank God for mercies, We are in the month of MARCH already.
February 26, 2017 at 5:48 pm
Wow. So sorry about that horrible ordeal.
March 1, 2017 at 9:52 am
Thank you Tony Michele…
March 1, 2017 at 10:53 am
Wow I’m so sorry to hear about your phone and the horror. When I’m lost i try to do things that relax me and even if I’m not in a good space with God I pray and pray and it really helps! Goodluck with the internship you’re probably at the place you’re meant to be right now, no knowledge or experience is wasted! Also if you’re looking for some fun spots in Lagos let me know!