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Thank God we do not look like our struggles…

What do you do when you feel lost? Do you just stand at the spot where you have found yourself? Do you go back from where you came? or do you just move forward?

I am this point in my life where I feel completely lost. I do not know if it is as a result of my moving to Lagos- a city that is terrifying, tiring and terrible at the same time. I also do not know if it is as a result of not loving something I thought I always needed.

I got this internship at a nice tax and audit firm (I WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS). I wanted to broaden my taxation horizon but I feel so out of place. Nothing seems to be making sense. The other day, I sat through a 2-hours training on financial accounting and deferred tax payments etc and it felt as though someone was peeling layers of my skin away with a knife. I knew I was in the wrong place and I know I will be for the next seven months.

So how do you forgive yourself for not loving the one thing you always needed. How do you forgive yourself for staying, despite the numbness…?

I have not been able to blog much because I wake up by 4am and get home by 9pm most times. I have not been able to blog much because my phone was STOLEN. Blogging with my phone is kind of easier…

So Yes, MY PHONE WAS STOLEN!!!

This is what happened; FEBRUARY 1ST, 2017. TIME; 6:50 am

I’m at Mr. Biggs just close to the UBA building where my office is located and next thing I know, three hefty men are chasing me. One especially. A big man. With eyes that look as though he wants to kill me.

I AM TERRIFIED. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I RUN. I AM CRYING AND RUNNING. THEY WANT MY BAG BUT I WILL NOT GIVE IT TO THEM. NOT WITH EVERYTHING INSIDE.
MY SHOE IS IN A NYLON THAT I AM HOLDING. WITH MY PHONE. THEY DRAG THE NYLON. THEY DRAG MY BLOUSE. I ROLL TO THE GROUND. TO THE ROAD….I AM SCREAMING…NOBODY COMES TO MY RESCUE. NOBODY SCREAMS FOR ME.

HEARTLESS SOULS.

OVER 100 CARS IN A SLOW MOVING TRAFFIC AND NOT ONE FREAKING PERSON COMES TO MY RESCUE!!!!!!

I RUN UNTIL I FIND MYSELF AT A BANK. I BEGIN TO CRY, LOUD SOBS. THE GUARDS COME TO MY AID. SOME CONDUCTORS FROM THE OTHER SIDE ARE ASKING IF THEY MADE AWAY WITH ANYTHING. ONE SAYS HE SAW ME WITH MY BAG AND ASSUMED THEY TOOK NOTHING, IF NOT HE WOULD HAVE CHASED THOSE GUYS AND GOTTEN MY PHONE. THEY ALL HELP ME FIND MY SHOE. SOME WHERE IN A CAR PARK…

I am at loss. My Phone is Gone. My Grief has no name.

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Part of the post I put up on Facebook…I usually put up my experiences there, it is kinda faster…lol

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So yeah; Lagos is terrifying…and this is just one out of the PLENTY horrible things my eyes have seen in this Lagos.

But like Iijebu Garri; Imma Rise Above It All….

I have been trying to pour my anger into the things I am most passionate about, one of which is LITERATURE. I hope everything turns out FINE. Get ready guys!!!!!!

I hope I find myself soon…

I cannot be lost forever…

Quick question; what do you do when you feel lost?

Love and Light

Adriel…