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HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN – THE THIRD (LONG) LEG

In the month of October 2017, we read HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN by PETER ENAHORO in my book club – KAWEBOOKCLUB . We loved the humour and we decided to expand the stories by starting our own HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN SERIES – THE KAWE VERSION.  
I wrote this one. 
ENJOY!!! 

THE THIRD (LONG) LEG by Chimdinma Adriel Onwukwe 




When God moulded man and gave him the breath of life, his plan was for everyone to have TWO LEGS. But on the seventh day while God rested, the Nigerians made for themselves THIRD LEGS! 
This THIRD LONG LEG is highly INVSIBLE. Can’t be seen but it moves and aligns everything. 
Having a Third Leg simply means to have connections in high places; to be close to the power house and this third long leg moves ONLY when there is a NEED!

*A typical Conversation*


Mr. A: So how Njideka take get PPA for that Hospital?


Mrs. B: That girl get leg o. Her papa leg long pass sef. 


Mr. A: Because I come dey fear. I just know say no be luck. 


Mrs. B: Na so we see am o




This third leg makes you realize that in Nigeria, opportunities for competition are circumscribed by unfavourable social and economic development and for many people; resort to unofficial channels is almost inevitable.

It is also important to note that another name for this THIRD LONG LEG is “GOD’S GRACE” and “THANK GOD O”
The Third Long Leg reveals its invisible cloak during National Youth Service Corps; postings of young people begin to change by “GOD’S GRACE” so that those who were intially posted to Adamawa end up in Lagos by “GOD’S MIRACULOUS HAND”.

During my Law school posting, I saw the manifestations of various third long legs. 60% Percent of my classmates who were to go Kano and Yola ended up in Abuja and Lagos. I asked them how they managed to do it and they all replied saying; “IT WAS GOD’S GRACE. I REALLY PRAYED ABOUT IT”

We all know they never pray and they never prayed. It was the invisible third leg working.

You can’t truly call yourself a TRUE NIGERIAN if you are lacking in the THIRD LONG DEPARTMENT because truth be told, IT IS A NECESSITY!

Visit the KAWE BOOK CLUB BLOG to read more HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN STORIES. If you are interested in sending your story on HOW TO BE A NIGERIAN, Please, drop a comment. 


Love and Light. 

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A FEMINIST MANIFESTO

A new piece from Chimamanda…I must warn, THIS IS A VERRRYYY LONG READ!!!! SO GET READY. DO NOT BE DISTRACTED.

“DEAR IJEAWELE, OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS”
By Chimamanda Adichie

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My lover. Beyonce has got nothing on you. *sips lemonade*

Dear Ijeawele,

Continue reading “A FEMINIST MANIFESTO”

TITILOPE SONUGA IS AMAZING!

If a poem hasn’t ripped apart your soul; you haven’t experienced poetry.” -Edgar Allan Poe.

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Photo from Titi's twitter page

Hey everyone! Kedu? Bawoni? How far? My middle name might as well be PROCASTINATOR!!! Everytime I pick up my phone or laptop to write this particular post, I end up doing a million other things.
Continue reading “TITILOPE SONUGA IS AMAZING!”

NNE NNE

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Between the earth and sky above, nothing can match a Grandmother’s love.

Continue reading “NNE NNE”

SO LONG A LETTER

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Mariama Bâ (April 17, 1929–August 17, 1981) was a Senegalese author and feminist, who wrote in French. Born in Dakar, she was raised a Muslim, but at an early age came to criticise what she perceived as inequalities between the sexes resulting from African traditions.

Continue reading “SO LONG A LETTER”

VOICE OF AN ANGRY WOMAN!

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Africans,
This information should be read, digested, re-gurgitated, swallowed again, re-digested and assimilated into the Cerebrum. (Uju Comfy Okorie)

I AM ANGRY! EXTREMELY ANGRY!!!
This is the very reason we have FEMINISTS – Some of you have decided to call us ANGRY WOMEN.

Continue reading “VOICE OF AN ANGRY WOMAN!”

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY NIGERIA!!!

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Today is 1st of October!!!
Nigeria is 55 today!!!
But I am indifferent.
I don’t know how to write all those poetry and what not for Nigeria.

Continue reading “HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY NIGERIA!!!”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INSTITUTION THAT IS CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE

Chimamanda. I think it was the name I fell in love with at first, I had never heard that name. My secondary school was in the heart of Umuahia, with over 300 Igbo students and no one had the name – CHIMAMANDA. But we sure had an abundance of the regular Igbo names : CHIDINMA, CHIOMA, CHIAMAKA etc.
Continue reading “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INSTITUTION THAT IS CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE”

SAY YOU’RE ONE OF THEM

First of all, I want to thank my ROOMMATE and DEAREST FRIEND, Chinelo Nwangwu, for getting me this book.

Thing is, I was supposed to get this book for her, as a birthday gift. But for some reasons I couldn’t get it, I got her a different book. And Thank God I didn’t get it for her, because, when I got to the room, I told her about it, she said she had read it before.

Few days after THE BOOK BUYING, I went through a very “emosh” time and CHINELO got me the book, to get my mind of the issue. I’m glad she did. You should see what she wrote inside. I wish you could. Lol. Continue reading “SAY YOU’RE ONE OF THEM”

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