You started the new year with a big bang. You were in love. Not the everyday and everyone kind of love. You were deeply in love. Yours was special. Genuine. Pure. Bliss. New Romance. Gaining roots, slowly but surely.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines communication as : The act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviours to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else.
It also defines it as the ways of sending information to people by using technology.
It was Brian Tracy who said “Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life.”
I’ll be telling you all how I personally had to learn the act of communication and how I’m still learning it – The hard way.
I used to be this very SHY person, extremely shy. My mum would use the word “TIMID.” She would say something like “Chichi, you are too timid. Even after the large amounts of money your father has spent sending you to the best schools.”
I knew I had to work on myself. I couldn’t face seniors in school, especially those I loved (I
havehad a problem communicating with people I care about – like I said I learnt the hard way, guess I’ve learnt a lot this past month) I would drag and turn and twist my self before I gathered the courage to even stare at their faces. Everyone was always complaining. I mean this is the Chimdinma that would talk and make fun of everything around her sending everyone to serious laughing modes and yet she couldn’t face or deal with a crowd.
Funny enough in secondary school I started keeping this journal. I wrote down the things I couldn’t say to anyone. I hated confrontations and so when someone got me really angry rather than talk back I would turn to my journal and pour away my heart, most times with laughter other times with hot tears.
I started reading more, loving the radio and media. I felt I was going to make a good media personality -this is coming from someone who couldn’t face one person if she cared about them or a crowd if she didn’t.
And so rather than communicate my fears and feelings to a loved one, I ignored and moved on.
I knew I had to work on my self, my COMUNNICATION skills.
In 2013, I joined the Dinamica Public Speaking Club (One of the best decisions I have ever made in my life). I have learnt more than a lot from Dinamica – even though ASUU tried once to disrupt our activities, we are still thriving. I learnt not to be nervous, learnt to work on my gesticulations, I gradually saw my self become more confident even though I’m nothing close to Dananjaya Hettiarachchi or my tutor Sanmi Abiodun.
Now coming down to relationships, the place of communication and by that I mean GOOD COMUNNICATION can never be overemphasized. And take it from me when I say this because I LEARNT THE HARD WAY.
The word communication is from the Latin word “commūnicāre”, meaning “to share”. How else can you express your love for a loved one if not by sharing and by sharing, I mean sharing thoughts, sharing fears, sharing ideas, sharing all unspoken words. COMMUNICATION is SHARING, SHARING IS LOVE.
You see communication is difficult. It is hard, but in the end it is the key to that great relationship we all want and need.
We should never assume our partner, friend or colleague knows about everything you expect from that particular relationship. Let them know. A relationship should be based on communication not assumption. And this is why things are ignored, swept under the carpet or under the rug and then one day the dirt piles up and destroys the carpet, the rug, the entire house.
Let me explain using this scenario : I don’t like sleeping with the lights on and my roommate does. Now imagine I come back from class everyday with plenty gist and we laugh and before I go to bed I say “Nels, please turn off the lights when you want to sleep” and she says “Okay” and forgets. Let’s assume this continues for a month and I never really bother to tell her how ANGRY I feel waking up to a bright light in my face. Now imagine we have this little quarrel that escalates and instead of just moving on we both bring up little faults like the whole light issue and other little details that bothered each of us, details we swept under the carpet.”
Communicate. Even when it is uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out and if you live bitterly, you live a lonely existence.
Talk to your partner, your best friend. Talk to them about your fears. Your plans. Map out the future with them and where there are conflicting views, compromise if need be. There is always a way out when we talk about the things that bother us. Like I said earlier, most people actually have no idea what they do wrong and because we all have different backgrounds, what may feel normal to you would be so abnormal to the next person.
Communication is one major part out of the 100% we need to put in our relationship (s). It is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, employer, employee etc.
If you are like me that’s scared of facial confrontation especially after a misunderstanding with a dear one maybe you could try using the “technological” way to express your self. Most people will agree though that having to discuss one-on-one is better because you get to see the facial expressions. Facial expressions do tell a lot. (I guess when next I’m faced with such I’ll be a boss). That’s how much I’ve learnt this past month.
Pride has a lot to do with communication. Let go of that ego and COMMUNICATE.
Talk about it and go to bed peacefully and you will be amazed at how things will turn out.
Adriel © 2015.