1) In medicine : a girl or woman whose hymen remains unbroken
2) A woman who has never had sexual intercourse
N/B: HYMEN ‎(plural hymens) : A mucous membrane which completely or partially occludes the vaginal opening in human females.

In Nigeria we are by default made not to talk about some things and even when we do talk about them, we do so in whispers and hushed tones.
In Nigeria, we do not talk about sex in the way most liberal nations do. But then again, actions speak louder than words.

Sometime this year, I went for a church program and in the course of the message the pastor told a story. I’ll summarize.
A girl came to him crying and saying…

“But Pastor, I’m a VIRGIN and I’ve written JAMB EXAM FIVE TIMES! WHY ME? I’M A VIRGIN”…

I asked myself, since when did being a Virgin guarantee an easy going life? What is the relationship between JAMB and VIRGINITY?

I’m a different person now. I never knew how different I was until I began talking more with ZED.
We talk about everything. Okay, maybe not everything, but most things. I taught him “volenti non fit injuria” and he taught me “Virgo Intacta”.
When I first heard the word, I was taken aback. We don’t ask those things. Especially around 12:00am in the morning.
I’m happy we both talk about things others whisper about.

This is what I think about VIRGO INTACTA, better still, VIRGINITY.

You see, being VIRGO INTACTA is a good thing especially in this time when value isn’t attached to it anymore.

It is BIBLICAL, GOD INSTRUCTS US.
He kind of said : THOU SHALL NOT BREAK THY HYMEN UNTIL THOU GETS MARRIED.
What sex is really about was succinctly posited by God, right before He created the necessary condition for sex to occur:

“It is not good for man to be alone.”

According to the Bible, sex is a physical way of binding yourself to someone. I don’t just mean the release of oxytocin, either. Sex is the integrated human being — mind, body, spirit, emotions —communicating to another integrated human being, “You are not alone. From now on, you have me.”

To be clear, this isn’t me getting poetic; I’m getting this from 1 Corinthians 6:12 through chapter 7. These verses indicate what sex is, and that it’s meant only for people who are married to each other.

There, I said it.

The most common (and perhaps most successful) objection to virginity goes along the lines of “What’s the big deal? It’s just sex.” But the objection itself reveals an implicit understanding that sex is not just sex, at all. If it’s simply a rite of physical pleasure, there’s no real need of another person’s involvement. (Indeed, if spokespeople like Louis C.K. can be believed, the DIY version can be better.)

Now with this in mind, I’ll like to say being a VIRGIN isn’t everything. It is not a goal. You are not going to be given a medal for it.

Virgins are not martyrs; they’re just another group of people who, by choice, aren’t having sex right now.
And loosing it should be a decision you make for yourself. You and You Alone. Not for anybody.

It’s time we teach our daughters this. We should stop putting this crazy idea of how dirty they will become when they break the HYMEN. What about girls that got theirs broken as a result of RAPE?

I mean VIRGINITY shouldn’t be a FEMALE thing alone. If I’m keeping my self for my future husband, is he doing same? There’s a high possibility that he has probably had lots of sex, from different women, way before he met me. Imagine how disappointed I’ll be when I find out he wasn’t keeping himself for “the future wife” after all. Keeping yourself for someone shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. VIRGINITY should be a personal thing.
Female Virginity is a virtue, but since there’s no yardstick to judge the status of males, I believe that’s a double standard. When will men be applauded for KEEPING THEMSELVES?

I know of an elderly man who told me he married a Virgin but he isn’t a saint so he still has other rendezvous outside his marriage.

Let that sink in….

The world doesn’t stop for you. It won’t. People are still going to hurt you. You may loose that special Job and may still have to write that exam thrice…. No one owes you anything. Do it for you. KEEP YOURSELF FOR YOU.

Teaching our girls that all they need to do is KEEP THEMSELVES and they can sustain a relationship on the strength of their hymen is PURE CRAP. TOTAL BULLSHIT! Virgins go to heaven and Virgins go to hell. Considering the fact that most virgins still do other stuffs to please their lovers. Yes. You know what I mean.

Sexuality in Nigeria and how it is slanted towards females is becoming a matter of concern to me. We are so bent on a woman being a virgin that we miss out on other things, Examples: Home management skills, listening skills, human relations skills, cooking great meals, being financially independent, running a home on a budget, tolerate situations that would make others go crazy…

This mentality of BE-A-VIRGIN-AND-A-MAN-WILL-LIKE-YOU-MORE-AND-TAKE-CARE-OF-YOU should change.

Heard about the DUGGAR FAMILY AND THEIR PLENTY SCANDALS? If no, please check the Internet.

Read this please :

image

Read this please :

A friend sent this article to me after I had written this post. And this lady just spoke my mind. Really It got me thinking ; How dare you deny a girl child education on the ground that her chastity will pave the way for her? In America? Good Lord have mercy! The things done in your name Lord, the things done in your name Lord…

WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Give them tools to survive on their own if they must. To grow and to become strong women, not to become VIRGINS ALONE! We will all get the HYMEN broken. One day. But we will never be able to get our self-esteem broken. Our success can never be broken. Strength. Character. Potentials. Abilities. These things can never be taken away from us.

However, I still maintain that Virginity isn’t overrated. It is a virtue. For both MEN and women.
In a world where sexual intercourse is as casual as a handshake, chastity is a BEAUTIFUL THING but it’s only one of the things a person can be proud of. It’s an awesome part of who you are but there’s more to a person than one awesome part.

Keep Yourself For You.

N/B :

1) Virginity right now is not just a holding cell, but a form of active blessing. How much of your soul do you want to deposit into every person that comes your way? Personally, I couldn’t live with that.

2) Find a better reason for your Virginity. And trust me the promise of better sex or greater love within marriage isn’t one of them.

Keep Yourself For You…

Love xoxo

Adriel©2015

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